Adult children are affected by the divorce of their parents, as much as younger children. Divorce is a major transition for you, your spouse, and your children, whether the kids are 5, 15, or 35 years old. The world that the children know is changing in a radical way. However, because the courts do not recognize the needs of adult children in a divorce, the impact on the adult children of the couple are often overlooked.
The Collaborative Divorce process is ideally suited for situations where children are at different stages and ages in life. Divorce coaches can help you and your spouse stay focused on your most important interests throughout the divorce process. You can also have a neutral child specialist there to be the voice of the children, whether they are minor children or adult children.
You may try to lean on your adult children emotionally for support without realizing it. You and your spouse should get their own professional help to deal with those emotions. Potentially, they could also use other adult family members to air their grievances about their soon-to-be ex-spouse. Having a child specialist on the Collaborative Divorce team gives us the ability to work with adult children in addition to you and your spouse to make sure that the parents are not somehow burdening their children with their divorce.
Don’t ask your children to take sides. Even as adults, your children want to love both parents equally. Children are made up of two parents. If one parent is asking the child to agree that the other parent is a horrible person, it is also asking them to say that they themselves are a horrible person because they are half of both of you. Regardless of the child’s age, parents need not put the children in a position of taking sides. You don’t want to create a future where one of your children is getting married, but your or your ex-spouse says, “If you invite the other parent, I won’t be there. I won’t come to your wedding.”
The Collaborative Divorce process is designed for the family to have a successful future. You are still a family after the divorce. You are still parents, and your children are still yours together. The goal is to have a better future relationship with less conflict in the future. You can go to graduations or weddings and not be throwing stares at each other across the room. One parent won’t have to refuse to attend if the other former spouse is also there. None of those reactions are healthy — mentally or emotionally — for anybody in the family. Adult children need the same attention and younger children whose parents are getting a divorce. A Collaborative Divorce helps the family work through the process to end up in a better place.
For more information on Collaborative Divorce and how you can benefit click here.
Our office is located at 4408 Spicewood Springs Rd., Austin, TX 78759 and our phone number is (512) 733-8259.